Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4
Thursday, September 29, 2011
highs and lows
The past few days have been a bit of a roller coaster for me. I have been extremely discouraged about where I am at in my degree, discouraged about my body image, depressed and convinced I had been gaining weight. Just when I feel like completely giving up, something little happens to turn my life around. Yesterday, the little thing was my dance class. Dancing made me so happy and like myself pre-ed. After class I was so happy I treated myself to ny favorite dinner, Noodles and co. Today I was very stresed and overwhelmed, but taking reece to his first obedience class changed ny entire day. He did so well and made me so proud. Seeing him learning how to behave gave me hope, because let's face it, a disobedient dog is a pretty big stressor!! I feel like things will be ok, just gotta find hope in the small things.
Stay strong and beautiful!! <3
Stay strong and beautiful!! <3
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4
Monday, September 26, 2011
Monday...Done!
Hello loves!! Monday is finally over! Nothing bad happened, it was just Monday, the least liked day of the week. After school and work I made sloppy joes for dinner and did a little dance conditioning work out using my ballet bar. I am so sore from stretching yesterday, but it is a good feeling. 2 more days until I try out a new dance class close to my apartment and I can't wait!!!
Yesterday I told you about the rough body image I have been having lately. Despite all of my fighting, the nasty thoughts about myself continued. It was very difficult to focus today because I kept squeezing my tummy and pinching the "fat." My mood was pretty low because of it also, which is a good reason that today is over. I am safe in my bed alone with my beautiful pets. Time is relax and try to make my mind be quiet so I can get some sleep!
Stay Strong and Beautiful!! <3
Yesterday I told you about the rough body image I have been having lately. Despite all of my fighting, the nasty thoughts about myself continued. It was very difficult to focus today because I kept squeezing my tummy and pinching the "fat." My mood was pretty low because of it also, which is a good reason that today is over. I am safe in my bed alone with my beautiful pets. Time is relax and try to make my mind be quiet so I can get some sleep!
Stay Strong and Beautiful!! <3
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Rocky week, New hope
Again, sorry it has been so long since my last post. I have been busy with school and working that once I get into bed (my usual blogging time) I am exhausted!! I am going to try to push myself though. Sometimes I feel like I don't have anything to say that would matter or help peoples' opinions on ED that I just don't blog. Suggestions or questions you would like answered are always welcome!
This past week has been a little rough with my body image. I have started viewing myself as "thick, chubby, and fat" again. I didn't let my toxic thoughts of myself interfere with my eating, but it did cause me to be a little more isolated from my family. I don't like that feeling but I am just glad I didn't let it get in the way of my meal plan. Today I started a little dance conditioning, stretching and working on my ballet bar. It felt sooooo good and I felt good about myself for once. I decided that I was going to find a place for me to dance and get back into the shape I am used to being in. I found a studio that is for grown women (no more dancing with kids half my age and younger) and I am going to try it out this Wednesday. When I am dancing I feel so confident, and I hope this will help me feel more confident about myself inside and out.
Stay Strong and Beautiful! <3
This past week has been a little rough with my body image. I have started viewing myself as "thick, chubby, and fat" again. I didn't let my toxic thoughts of myself interfere with my eating, but it did cause me to be a little more isolated from my family. I don't like that feeling but I am just glad I didn't let it get in the way of my meal plan. Today I started a little dance conditioning, stretching and working on my ballet bar. It felt sooooo good and I felt good about myself for once. I decided that I was going to find a place for me to dance and get back into the shape I am used to being in. I found a studio that is for grown women (no more dancing with kids half my age and younger) and I am going to try it out this Wednesday. When I am dancing I feel so confident, and I hope this will help me feel more confident about myself inside and out.
Stay Strong and Beautiful! <3
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I'm here...I'm here!!!
SOOOOO sorry I have been out of touch for so long. I had no internet access for a few weeks, and it was driving me crazy!!! But, I am back with a LOT of information to share.
School has started and I have missed feeling like a student. I love learning and going to class, no matter how much I may complain about it!! I love the feeling of being able to have intelligent conversations with people, it makes me feel proud. One of the classes I am currently taking is a physical education for teachers. It teaches you how to integrate movement and promote physical activity with your students. Today we watched a video about obesity and excuse my language, but it lit a fire under my ass. As you know my ED is anorexia and I have talked about how little people really know about it, but after watching this video on obesity, it hit me that people know even less about over eating as an ED. A lot of the people, mostly children, they interviewed talked about eating when they are feeling emotional distress. To me this screamed ED!!!!!!!!! The entire show focused and emphasized on choices and weight being dependent on the person's self control when it comes to making choices. This made me really upset because people who over eat have a psychological reason they are making the choices that they are making. It has NOTHING to do with self discipline or self control. These people need help and educated on their disease...yes I said disease, in order for them even begin being capable of making healthy choices and to find ways to cope with emotions other than turning to food. The video also got me thinking about my own ED and how it really started to become apparent when I was about 12 years old. If I were a 12 year old watching this video, or being lectured about obesity, I would begin to think of all food, other than fruits and veggies, and unhealthy and will make me fat! The emphasis put on NOT being obese puts the idea in children's minds that fat is bad and you must be thin!!! This whole experience has inspired me to change direction with my goal to become a teacher. I want to teach middle school or high school health. I think kids deserve a balance in their education when learning about obesity. It is important to know the effects of obesity, but it is also important to know the effects of the opposite extreme and to learn more about WHY people become obese. I want to be that positive role model for girls and even boys and be a person they can turn to when they have concerns about their bodies or are struggling with body image. I have been through so much with this damn disease that I want to use it for good. My treatment and education on ED saved my life and I want to help save another life. Not only do kids deserve to know the truth about ED and obesity, they also deserve an adult in their life (especially for middle school kids) to not be embarrassed to talk to them openly about things like sex. Today, kids are getting younger and younger when they are faced with the pressures of having sex and drinking. I want to be that adult that will tell them the truth, they don't need one more person just telling them "no."
This past weekend I had a huge moment in my recovery. Nick and I broke up because of some personal issues between us. During all of the heartache and emotions, I never once thought about keeping myself from eating, nor did I ever once think I deserved to be punished. I have NEVER been through a tough situation without feeling guilty in some way or another and needed to be punished. The fact that I was able to stand up for myself, make a terribly hard decision and still eat and love myself is a HUGE accomplishment and I am not ashamed to pat myself on the back :) We have since worked things out and are back together. We love each other so much but have different ways of showing it to each other. That is something we will need to continue to work on, but I know it is worth fighting for.
Stay Strong and Beautiful!! <3
School has started and I have missed feeling like a student. I love learning and going to class, no matter how much I may complain about it!! I love the feeling of being able to have intelligent conversations with people, it makes me feel proud. One of the classes I am currently taking is a physical education for teachers. It teaches you how to integrate movement and promote physical activity with your students. Today we watched a video about obesity and excuse my language, but it lit a fire under my ass. As you know my ED is anorexia and I have talked about how little people really know about it, but after watching this video on obesity, it hit me that people know even less about over eating as an ED. A lot of the people, mostly children, they interviewed talked about eating when they are feeling emotional distress. To me this screamed ED!!!!!!!!! The entire show focused and emphasized on choices and weight being dependent on the person's self control when it comes to making choices. This made me really upset because people who over eat have a psychological reason they are making the choices that they are making. It has NOTHING to do with self discipline or self control. These people need help and educated on their disease...yes I said disease, in order for them even begin being capable of making healthy choices and to find ways to cope with emotions other than turning to food. The video also got me thinking about my own ED and how it really started to become apparent when I was about 12 years old. If I were a 12 year old watching this video, or being lectured about obesity, I would begin to think of all food, other than fruits and veggies, and unhealthy and will make me fat! The emphasis put on NOT being obese puts the idea in children's minds that fat is bad and you must be thin!!! This whole experience has inspired me to change direction with my goal to become a teacher. I want to teach middle school or high school health. I think kids deserve a balance in their education when learning about obesity. It is important to know the effects of obesity, but it is also important to know the effects of the opposite extreme and to learn more about WHY people become obese. I want to be that positive role model for girls and even boys and be a person they can turn to when they have concerns about their bodies or are struggling with body image. I have been through so much with this damn disease that I want to use it for good. My treatment and education on ED saved my life and I want to help save another life. Not only do kids deserve to know the truth about ED and obesity, they also deserve an adult in their life (especially for middle school kids) to not be embarrassed to talk to them openly about things like sex. Today, kids are getting younger and younger when they are faced with the pressures of having sex and drinking. I want to be that adult that will tell them the truth, they don't need one more person just telling them "no."
This past weekend I had a huge moment in my recovery. Nick and I broke up because of some personal issues between us. During all of the heartache and emotions, I never once thought about keeping myself from eating, nor did I ever once think I deserved to be punished. I have NEVER been through a tough situation without feeling guilty in some way or another and needed to be punished. The fact that I was able to stand up for myself, make a terribly hard decision and still eat and love myself is a HUGE accomplishment and I am not ashamed to pat myself on the back :) We have since worked things out and are back together. We love each other so much but have different ways of showing it to each other. That is something we will need to continue to work on, but I know it is worth fighting for.
Stay Strong and Beautiful!! <3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)