I did not get a chance to post yesterday, but I did do something for myself. I went to kohls with the intention to buy myself a new dress for Christmas. Buying a new dress would require me to try on clothes, and it was after dinner time so it would be a challenge. However, I reminded myself that the number on the tag of the dress does not make me who I am and that I deserve to feel beautiful for Christmas! I did not find any dresses that I was crazy about, so I treated myself to a new pair or booties.
Today has also been busy. The day started at 5 am taking Nick to the hospital for knee surgery. In the waiting room I did homework then spent the rest of the morning taking care of Nick and making him comfortable. This afternoon I had a presentation to give and a three hour lecture to attend. So, what did I do for myself today to embrace recovery? I took a nap in between my two classes. My body was exhausted! I listened to what my body was telling me and took care of it. I did not judge my body, I respected it and nurtured it. My body has always taken care of me, allowing me to do everything that I need it to do. Even when I didn't take care of it, my body kept strong. I now have a new respect for my body. It truly is an amazing machine. My goal is to not judge it as a size, but respect it and take care of it for the precious gift that it is.
It may not seem like much, but with ED even those small gifts to yourself are not allowed. ED would tell me that it was selfish to spend my money on myself or that I am wasting my time napping, I should be doing something productive. He would call me selfish and lazy for doing the things that I did. I did those things for myself without judgement...without ED. I know my recovery is working when I can do something, realize what ED would say about the situation and do it anyway despite him.
Sorry ED...I am in control this time.
Stay Strong and Beautiful! <3
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