Baby Steps

Tomorrow is my doctors appointment, I am so nervous to get weighed. I hope my weight has improved but at the same time I am not ready to come to terms with gaining weight. It has been a really tough week with food, it is still constantly on my mind, but I am working really hard to get all my meals in and even snacks. Today I ate three meals and three snacks. The snacks I ate, were not what my meal plan requires, but it is a step in the right direction. Yesterday I made enchilladas for dinner and fresh fruit salad. I was really proud of myself for cooking and even more proud of myself for eating it. A lot of people with eating disorders develop a love or fascination with cooking food and serving it to others. When I was really sick I loved to bake and see the reaction of my family to my food. It made me feel good to control the food and who was consuming it. It is a strange thing that happens with ED, but I know a few people that have had similar experiences.

Today in my science and mathematics class, we studied surface area. We did an exercise where we measured around a person in our group; once with their hands to their side and once with their arms spread out. I was the one chosen to be measured because I was the shortest. I know some people would hate to be the shortest, but I associated that with being the smallest in my group. I felt proud and special to be chosen to be measured. Luckily my waist was not measured, so the numbers of the measurement did not bother me. Although, after that exercise I began to focus on the meal that would occur after class let out...lunch. I did not pack my lunch so I would need to buy my lunch at school. The options are limited and not the healthiest.  I didn't want to eat at all, but I knew I needed to. I took my time in the market examining my options. I chose strawberry milk, grilled cheese, curly fries, pasta salad and a banana. I ate all of my grilled cheese except for a few bites of the crust, all of my fries but one and about half of the pasta salad (the sauce was too strong).

For dinner, I made a pizza and had some fruit salad for desert. Overall, I would say it was a pretty successful day for me. I did what I had to do even when it was very uncomfortable. I am really full right now and having a lot of stomach discomfort, but I know that is part of the refeeding process. My body has trust issues with me and food, I don't blame it!!

Hope everyone is having a great week despite the crummy weather (if you are in Ohio).  Congrats to America on a job well done :) After ten years it sometimes becomes numb to people that we are in a war and losing men and women everyday. The assassination of Osama Bin Laden has made many people reflect  on the events of September 11, 2001. Please remember all of our troops fighting for us, they are doing an amazing job making the world a much safer place for everyone. Thank you to all that serve.

Stay Strong and Beautiful! <3