TattlED

Yesterday my mom and sister came home from a week long vacation in Florida, and boy am I glad they are back. Ever since my appointment Friday, things have been tough with food. I didn't finish planning my meals for the weekend but I thought that since I had been doing so well, that I would be able to find the things I needed. It didn't work that way unfortunately. Saturday I woke up at 6:30 to take my new puppy, Reece, outside. After I fed him I went back to bed and so did he. We slept in until 11:30 or so, and I took my time getting out of bed. By the time I got around the eating my first meal, it was close to 1:00. Having breakfast at 1 in the afternoon is never a good day, those are always the toughest. I was able to whip up a breakfast that fit my meal plan, but got half way through and simply just could NOT finish it. My stomach hurt so badly because it was so full. I decided to just leave it and try to pick up what I missed at later meals. For some reason I had nooo energy, so I slept most of the day. At about 3:30, I decided it was time for me to try to eat some more, even though my stomach was still in pain from breakfast. I reheated some chicken pasta from earlier in the week and had a few bites and again, just couldn't do it. I decided not to be hard on myself...I had relived some scary and uncomfortable things and this was probably my body reacting to it and protecting myself from the tough emotions. When I got to my mom's and she came home, I let her know I was struggling. One of the best things I can do when I have been restricting, is to tell on myself. If I were to keep it a secret, then that would make it even harder to stop. I did the best I could at dinner and later that night, my mom made me a PB J with some chips to eat along with it. I don't know what I would do without her. I am truly blessed to have such a supportive family, because I could never have gotten this far without them.

Today I struggled with breakfast, but ate an entire personal sized pizza for lunch. I was really proud of myself for that. I have had poor body image all day and have started thinking about going tanning. I am so pale that you can see every vein in my body and there is no make up shade to match my ghostly complexion. Dinner was also tough, but I was able to get down two tacos and my mom was really proud of me for getting the second taco on my own. After dinner I had the perfect distraction- a movie with one of my best friends! We saw Bridesmaids and it was just what both of us needed. Great movie, I think I was the first person to laugh out in the theater! A little girl time with someone who is also battling with ED helped a lot...I felt accepted and not so crazy for a while. Now I am doing my favorite night time routine: Blogging, snuggling with Bella and Reece and watching old Twilight Zone episodes on Netflix. Tomorrow is going to be tough if I go to any cook outs. As of right now I have not heard of any plans, but I am sure that will change come the morning.

Stay Strong and Beautiful! <3