Letting the Paint Dry

Hello Lovelies!! Checking in while I let the paint dry on my picture. I am in the middle of apartment shopping and have been making lots of homemade things to put in my new home :) So far I have make a dog leash/ treat holder to hang on the wall and now I am working on a painting to put in my bathroom. Today I got a spray tan because I have been so self conscious about my skin lately. I feel more confident since having it done, so I guess it is a good thing I went ahead and did it. I don't like the idea of changing myself, but if it makes me feel better then I will do it (as long as it is nothing major or permanent). Still haven't planned my meals but I am hoping to do that tomorrow or Monday.

Yesterday was my session with my therapist on campus. It was a very interesting one! Ever since we did the child exercise, I have noticed many different things that I do that go back to that inner child. For one, I noticed I prefer to sit at tables that are high off of the ground so I can feel my feet dangle and not touch the ground. We started talking about my idea of what an adult is, and when you think about it, it is hard to define. The more we talked, the more be began to think being an adult is all a facade. I thought being an adult meant: having a career, being financially independent, owning a house and even being married. Then she asked me a good question; "If I did not own a house, not engaged and didn't have a career, would you still look at me and say I am an adult?" It took me a while to think about it and I said yes, I would still consider her an adult. Now my idea of what an adult is was totally debunked. All of this came about because I told her how I don't feel like an adult and that I don't think others view me as an adult. This fear of not being seen as an adult also carries over into my relationship. I feel like people view my relationship with Nick as something child-like, and nothing serious since we are not engaged or married. After picking apart the beliefs in my head, together we wondered if I feel like having the things I feel make a person an adult would give me a sense of security.  Being married would mean Nick and I would be together forever, having a home would be mature, and having a career would make me financially independent. Who knew all of this crazy stuff was underneath my stinkin' eating disorder?! See, it is NOT just about food, it is about so much more...for me even the challenge of transitioning for a child to an adult can trigger ED! Right now, my challenge is to 1) figure out what the heck an "adult" is and 2) find a way to integrate the freedom and innocence of being a child in with the maturity and responsibility of being an adult.

Let me know what you think defines an "adult".

Stay Strong and Beautiful!!! <3