What a Day!

Today was a day filled with emotions. Ed started off strong, critiquing my clothes, how my body looked in them and how my face looked in the mirror. He got me down. At that point I wanted to just get back in bed and not let anyone look at me. I was embarrassed of who I was. Knowing that wasn't an option, I battled through. At my Mom's, we had some family over for another birthday dinner. I received some amazing gifts. My biggest surprise was one from my mom. She worked with a friend to design a tee shirt for team EDucate. It is light purple (the color of Eating disorder awareness ribbons remains a bit of a mystery. It is Periwinkle but it appears purple and blue sometimes.) with a butterfly that says "Stay Strong and Beautiful" on the front and team EDucate on the back with the website for the blog. It meant the world to me and what was even better was the fact that the man making them offered to donate a shirt to every walker. That kind of support blows me away. In the beginning of recovery I told no one because I was afraid they didn't understand it and would judge me. I have family members that are JUST NOW learning about my disease, two years later! Now that I understand that what I have is a disease I am not afraid to tell people and am amazed at how people are so understanding. Mental illnesses are better understood now than ever before and that helps when you are in recovery. Telling people is still hard and you have to do it when you are truly ready, trust me you will know. When the fear of being judged becomes "who cares, I can't help I have a disease anymore than a person with cancer can" you will be ready. Who you are is special and unique. Every one is different and that is what makes a person beautiful. If we were all the same beauty wouldn't exist. The fact that you have something that makes you different, makes you beautiful. Like most things with ED this is easier to say than to believe, but it takes practice. Learning to eat again takes practice, learning to deal with emotions again after being numb takes time, so does seeing your beauty and believing in yourself. I'm still practicing, but I know it is worth it.

Stay Strong and Beautiful! <3