This or That

So sorry I didn't post last night. I went out to dinner and spent the night with my mom. I really needed some quality mom time. She encouraged me to keep working hard when I didn't see the point in it anymore. My mood has been very strange lately. Yesterday I couldn't make simple decisions which really irritated me then it got me to thinking about how it is because of ED, then I got depressed- it was a mess! In rehab I learned a lot about how eating disorders work and the biology behind them.

People with eating disorders have a chemical imbalance in their brains. Dopamine is the chemical that sends the sensation of joy or happiness to the body. ED means a lower dopamine level, meaning no happiness. He doesn't only prevent happiness (hence the depression and disapproval of oneself), he also makes decision making hard. When we make decisions our brain releases chemicals, making you feel more strongly toward one option. An ED brain doesn't do that, or at least not very much. You could ask me do you want to wear a red shirt or a blue shirt and I could spend hours going back and forth because neither option excites me. It is very frustrating. Not only do I not feel strongly about either option, ED's little voice chimes in making it even harder. This is one of the most frustrating parts of having an eating disorder. Making simple every day decisions is so challenging and exhausting! Think about all the decisions you make in a day: what to wear, how to wear your hair, how to do your make up (if you wear it), what to have for breakfast, wear a coat or not, where will you have lunch, what homework will you decide to do first, what to have for dinner. There are so many more that I didn't even mention. Not EVERY little decision is difficult or a battle, but some days it seems like it. I could do no physical activity all day and still be exhausted because of all the work my brain does in one day.

There is so much more to an eating disorder than just food. I hope to help educate more people about that through this blog. It is hard to understand, but I will give every bit of myself to try to make it easier. Before writing I was having an anxiety attack. My heart was racing, my hands were trembling and my stomach felt nauseous. Now I feel much more relaxed. Thanks for the help!!

Stay Strong and Beautiful! <3