Lately...

I went to visit an adviser from the college I am transferring to in the fall and found out that I am still quite a ways away from getting my teaching degree. After my meeting I called my mom crying because of the news. I began hating the way my life had changed during and after high school. If it wasn't for this damn eating disorder I would be a year away from being a teacher....but no, it keeps taking from me, this time it is stealing time. The more I got to thinking about why I am where I am today I got infuriated at "Ken." I know I had ED tenancies before him, but he just kicked it into overdrive and really stole everything from me. I think about how he is attending the college of his dreams and is on course for his degree. It is not fair and it makes me so mad! I did nothing to deserve his abuse and I am STILL the one paying the price 4 years later. When will he feel the consequences?!

Ever since this happened I have been more aware of my body. Every time I go to the restroom I lift my shirt and look at my tummy sideways in the mirror. I take more time picking out clothes for the day and am much more critical of myself. One thing I am not doing, however, is weighing myself. I am tempted to a lot though. The family I work for has two scales in their restroom. I think about food a lot more than usual and I don't like it! Right now I have not been restricting, but the urge is there. I am fighting this full force, but it is not easy, just like all of the times before!

Stay Strong And Beautiful! <3

waiting on winter

Winter is just around the corner and as a person living with anorexia, it is a bittersweet feeling. The major positive about winter is the big sweat shirts you get to wear, but that can also be risky. When people with eating disorders wear big, baggy clothes, it makes it harder for people to see if a weight loss is occurring. With winter around the corner, now is the time to make your plan, get support and find a way to be accountable. If you have a friend or loved one with ED be that support and accountability for them! This disease is not cured by medicine, it is only managed and the more people to help, the better. The other bad thing about winter is the weather. It can at times be beautiful, but let's face it, it is usually gloomy. Depression is already one of ED's best friends, but add the inevitable "seasonal depression" and you have three bad guys out to get you. Make sure you are taking any and all medications you are on, and for those of you who are supporters, remind your loved one to take their medicines. I would love to hear your stories about how you prepare for winter or how you get through triggering times!

Stay strong and beautiful!! <3

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

booty shaking good times

I am LOVING my new dance studio. Tonight I tried a new class and it was soooo hard! I was having terrible body images today so working out felt great. Thoughts of food are starting to creep in. Hope I can kick it!

Stay strong and beautiful! <3

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Feeling Optimistic

Last week I had a meeting with a counselor at Wittenberg and it went really well. She helped me set up a plan of action to get rid of all my school stresses. Tonight I officially applied, just gotta get my transcripts sent! Feeling pretty good about how things are going right now! Not a whole lot going on right now, just needed to blog so I don't disappear again!!! :p

Stay Strong and Beautiful! <3