I went to visit an adviser from the college I am transferring to in the fall and found out that I am still quite a ways away from getting my teaching degree. After my meeting I called my mom crying because of the news. I began hating the way my life had changed during and after high school. If it wasn't for this damn eating disorder I would be a year away from being a teacher....but no, it keeps taking from me, this time it is stealing time. The more I got to thinking about why I am where I am today I got infuriated at "Ken." I know I had ED tenancies before him, but he just kicked it into overdrive and really stole everything from me. I think about how he is attending the college of his dreams and is on course for his degree. It is not fair and it makes me so mad! I did nothing to deserve his abuse and I am STILL the one paying the price 4 years later. When will he feel the consequences?!
Ever since this happened I have been more aware of my body. Every time I go to the restroom I lift my shirt and look at my tummy sideways in the mirror. I take more time picking out clothes for the day and am much more critical of myself. One thing I am not doing, however, is weighing myself. I am tempted to a lot though. The family I work for has two scales in their restroom. I think about food a lot more than usual and I don't like it! Right now I have not been restricting, but the urge is there. I am fighting this full force, but it is not easy, just like all of the times before!
Stay Strong And Beautiful! <3
Hang in there Kristin..you've got this. It may seem that "Ken" is getting by with what he did, but someday Sweetie, we will all face God and be held accountable for what we did here on Earth. In the meantime, the Bible tells us that vengeance is the Lord's to deal with. Our jobs are to be a light for other people. Keep being the light that you are...and don't let anyone steal your joy. I love you!
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