I'm here...I'm here!!!

SOOOOO sorry I have been out of touch for so long. I had no internet access for a few weeks, and it was driving me crazy!!! But, I am back with a LOT of information to share. 


School has started and I have missed feeling like a student. I love learning and going to class, no matter how much I may complain about it!! I love the feeling of being able to have intelligent conversations with people, it makes me feel proud. One of the classes I am currently taking is a physical education for teachers. It teaches you how to integrate movement and promote physical activity with your students. Today we watched a video about obesity and excuse my language, but it lit a fire under my ass. As you know my ED is anorexia and I have talked about how little people really know about it, but after watching this video on obesity, it hit me that people know even less about over eating as an ED. A lot of the people, mostly children, they interviewed talked about eating when they are feeling emotional distress. To me this screamed ED!!!!!!!!! The entire show focused and emphasized on choices and weight being dependent on the person's self control when it comes to making choices. This made me really upset because people who over eat have a psychological reason they are making the choices that they are making. It has NOTHING to do with self discipline or self control. These people need help and educated on their disease...yes I said disease, in order for them even begin being capable of making healthy choices and to find ways to cope with emotions other than turning to food.  The video also got me thinking about my own ED and how it really started to become apparent when I was about 12 years old. If I were a 12 year old watching this video, or being lectured about obesity, I would begin to think of all food, other than fruits and veggies, and unhealthy and will make me fat! The emphasis put on NOT being obese puts the idea in children's minds that fat is bad and you must be thin!!!  This whole experience has inspired me to change direction with my goal to become a teacher. I want to teach middle school or high school health. I think kids deserve a balance in their education when learning about obesity. It is important to know the effects of obesity, but it is also important to know the effects of the opposite extreme and to learn more about WHY people become obese. I want to be that positive role model for girls and even boys and be a person they can turn to when they have concerns about their bodies or are struggling with body image. I have been through so much with this damn disease that I want to use it for good. My treatment and education on ED saved my life and I want to help save another life. Not only do kids deserve to know the truth about ED and obesity, they also deserve an adult in their life (especially for middle school kids) to not be embarrassed to talk to them openly about things like sex. Today, kids are getting younger and younger when they are faced with the pressures of having sex and drinking. I want to be that adult that will tell them the truth, they don't need one more person just telling them "no." 


This past weekend I had a huge moment in my recovery. Nick and I broke up because of some personal issues between us. During all of the heartache and emotions, I never once thought about keeping myself from eating, nor did I ever once think I deserved to be punished. I have NEVER been through a tough situation without feeling guilty in some way or another and needed to be punished. The fact that I was able to stand up for myself, make a terribly hard decision and still eat and love myself is a HUGE accomplishment and I am not ashamed to pat myself on the back :) We have since worked things out and are back together. We love each other so much but have different ways of showing it to each other. That is something we will need to continue to work on, but I know it is worth fighting for.

Stay Strong and Beautiful!! <3