I am so sorry I haven't written in a while other than small updates from my phone. I worked all week and Thursday and Friday were so busy that when I did get home, I went right to bed! Friday was my last session with my therapist on campus. I will miss her so much and appreciate all she has done for me. We went to places I have never gone to in therapy and was able to put a lot of my past behind me for good. I have been able to see myself for what I really am and that is something I can not thank her enough for. She will change so many lives and I am so honored to have been able to be her patient. Saturday was really stressful for me. Because I worked all week, I got behind on planning my meals so I had nothing to go on. On top of no plan for food, there were about a million things going on! Everybody wanted me to do stuff and I want to see everyone so I say yes to everyone! In between my date with my sister at the mall and my brother at the movie, I checked my final grades for Spring quarter and got very upset. Last quarter I got all A's and made the Dean's list, but this quarter I got one A and three B's. I was so mad because I had checked my grade for my Science and Math class the last week of school and had a 94%, so how did it drop to a B in a week? I also saw that I got a 74% on my final for my History class when I had done research for my essay prior to the exam!! I tried to remind myself that she is a very unfair grader and that a B is still good for her class, but after seeing the B in the class I had expected an A in just made it that much worse!!! I had been off of my medicine for a few days while the pharmacy worked out a problem with the insurance company so dealing with this situation was a million times harder than it would have been if I had my medicine. Tough weekend to say the least. I ended up missing some snacks and a meal yesterday because it was what I had to do to get through the day. It was the only way I could handle the situation and get through it. This morning I woke up determined to do better and it started out that way. I had my breakfast and a good sized lunch, but after that I just stopped. It had felt sooo good to restrict yesterday that I wanted to do it even more. I restricted for about five hours and started to feel light headed and weak. I was watching Kayla's episode of 16 and Pregnant and seeing her make it through a pregnancy with anorexia reminded me why I need to eat. I want a family some day and I need to take care of myself now so that my body is healthy enough to even conceive a baby down the road. I made a snack and planned my meals for tomorrow. I am feeling a little better, but it is going to be a challenging evening for me. I know I can do it though.
Happy Father's Day to my daddy!!!! Thank you for always supporting me. You have been my hero since I was a little girl. I love you so much.
Stay Strong and Beautiful!! <3
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