Today has been extremely tough...I am so ashamed to even tell you about it. I did so awful today with food. I didn't even get in half of my meal plan and I didn't even care. After breakfast I was so full that I didn't bother eating until 5:00 and even then, I didn't want to because I felt so full and fat. If it weren't for me being with my dad, I would have restricted the rest of the day. I am so stressed with finding a new place to live, finals, and getting used to my spray tan that I just need some help. I am paranoid that everyone hates my tan, that it doesn't look natural or good at all. I don't believe people when they say that it does because ED tells me it doesn't. I have had it done a few times in the past and never has it ever looked orange or streaky, so why would it be different now? ED is so mean and feeds on my insecurities at my most vulnerable moments and today I gave in to him and he won. I hate admitting it, but he did. I want to cry and give up but I know that is not an option....death is NOT an option. Tomorrow I am going to have lunch with my mom and hopefully I can get some meals planned while I am with her. I can't do this alone and I need to quit trying. This is serious and I am scared. I hate feeling out of control because I know my life is in my own hands. Sorry this is so short, I just am really running on no motivation and have shut down...
Stay Strong and Beautiful <3
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