So today was much better than yesterday! I woke up with a whisper of a voice but went to work anyway. The teacher I was with was much more talkative to me today and that made me feel better about her liking me. She thanked me for helping her this week because it helps her have the same sub long term that actually helps and knows what they are doing. We also got on the topic of the other sub that is taking over in her room as assistant teacher and she did not know how she got the job and hasn't really talked to her at all, so I didn't need to take it personally. ED is so mean! It is like everything I believed yesterday was debunked today with just one conversation! After work I had my brother and step mom over to swim and have dinner with me. It was a lot of fun and having them at the pool with me helped a lot!
The pool is a VERY triggering place to be for a person with an eating disorder. I noticed three girls at the pool with very tight abs. I started feeling insecure and getting urges to just RUN!! I was able to distract by playing with my brother in the pool. When we got out to dry off the song "Who Says" by Selena Gomez came on the radio and with the sun shining on my skin I remembered why life is so beautiful. Every one is different and that is what makes life worth living! I would hate going to work if all of the kids there looked and acted the same. I hope I can learn to be more comfortable with my body this summer...maybe allowing a limited amount of exercise a day would help, that will take a lot of structure and self accountability on my part though. I need to think about it for a while...
Stay Strong and Beautiful! <3
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