Summer is around the corner and I am dreading it! Summer means short shorts, swim suits and lots of exposed skin. The biggest trigger of all is seeing other girls. There is ALWAYS something to find on others that is better than what you have. Today in art class we presented our multicultural art power points. I sit in the front of the room, so when people would present they would stand right in front of me. Being an education class, it is mostly girls, and a lot of those girls were wearing shorts. I couldn't listen to their presentations because I was too busy comparing. I feel like I have the largest thighs and arms in the world. I hate my thighs so much!
Also in art the topic of the latest 16 and Pregnant came up. The girl on the episode had an eating disorder and struggled with ED for the duration of her pregnancy. Some of the girls in my class were saying they were "mad" while watching it because she should have cared about her baby more. This really upset me because I am sure she was very concerned about her baby but ED would not let her take care of her baby. Pregnancy causes fast changes to your body, something that is unimaginable to a person with an eating disorder. Unless your body is disappearing, any change is bad change. My heart goes out to the girl that was on the episode, to have such an extremely challenging time aired on a widely popular show takes serious courage. Not to mention knowing sooooo many people watching it will be ignorant to the disease or evening recognizing eating disorders as a disease and hearing all of the negative comments people will say. Hats off to her and I plan on catching her episode when I can. I appreciate her story and know it will help me because I want to be a mom some day. It scares me so much to think that I could risk my child's health and well being because of this devil that lives inside of me. I know it will take enormous courage and hard work to make it through a pregnancy and I know that when I am ready to be a mom I will need to meet with my treatment team to work a plan of action. At the NEDA walk a few weeks ago, I learned that children born to parent(s) with anorexia are 14 times more likely to have anorexia themselves. This makes me apprehensive to have my own children because I do not want even one more person, let alone my own flesh and blood, to battle with this disease. If you are having a child or have had children and have ED feel free to share your story with me, because I would love to know more about what that experience is like. Tonight reminded how important it is to spread Eating disorder awareness and educate people on the disease.
Stay Strong and Beautiful! <3
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